I have a good problem: I have a lot of interests! I keep trying to consolidate all of my interests into one “career,” so that I can do what I love all the time and get paid for it. That’s the dream, anyway. And I think it’s a good dream, a great thing to strive for… unless trying to make all my interests into a job would either ruin the fun of them (which I’ve experienced before) and/or turn them into something they’re not really meant to be for me. For example, if I love doing yoga, does that mean I should become a yoga instructor? Not necessarily. Maybe I should just do yoga in the comfort of my own home, in absolute solitude, for my own well-being, with no money or strings attached.
Maybe sometimes our “trying to make a living” gets confused or entangled with “trying to make a life.” I DO want to make a decent living, so that I can have a place to live and food to eat. However, what I really want is to master the art of living – not making a living, but living itself. I think the confusion comes in because I live in a society that values work and money above everything else – above even one’s well-being or life. I am trained to always look for ways to make money. If I love writing, make a career of it. If I love singing, become a professional singer. And even more often, unfortunately, those messages don’t come with one’s interests in mind; instead of “make money doing what you love,” the message is “make money however you can, no matter how unethical it may be. It is a dog-eat-dog world, and you have to look out for #1.” I do not subscribe to that belief. I believe that I can do something I love for a living. But even more, I think that I can have a happy life and that work is only a part of it.
I’ve had a couple ideas recently. One is to record on GarageBand my own a capella version of The Fray’s song, Never Say Never. Another is to write what I call a “fragmented memoir.” This would be a memoir with different sections giving a different perspective on my life. One would be my life as a tragedy. Another would be my life as a comedy… and so on.
What is the significance of these ideas? Maybe nothing. Will they lead me to a way to make a living? Maybe, maybe not. Or a life? Maybe, maybe not. I can only hope that following my heart’s desires, however strange or disconnected from the rest of my life they may seem, will lead me in a positive direction. In the very least, I think that it will make me more in tune with myself and my own intuition. And that alone is very valuable.
On Tuesday evening, I went to my 2nd MuseDaze at Bar 35 with Evelyn and Sarah. This time, Darron Cambra led the free poetry workshop. It was really fun. Evelyn can’t make it this week (tomorrow), but I’m looking forward to hopefully going with Sarah again.
)
