Mastering the Art of Living

I have a good problem:  I have a lot of interests!  I keep trying to consolidate all of my interests into one “career,” so that I can do what I love all the time and get paid for it.  That’s the dream, anyway.  And I think it’s a good dream, a great thing to strive for… unless trying to make all my interests into a job would either ruin the fun of them (which I’ve experienced before) and/or turn them into something they’re not really meant to be for me.  For example, if I love doing yoga, does that mean I should become a yoga instructor?  Not necessarily.  Maybe I should just do yoga in the comfort of my own home, in absolute solitude, for my own well-being, with no money or strings attached.

Maybe sometimes our “trying to make a living” gets confused or entangled with “trying to make a life.”  I DO want to make a decent living, so that I can have a place to live and food to eat.  However, what I really want is to master the art of living – not making a living, but living itself. I think the confusion comes in because I live in a society that values work and money above everything else – above even one’s well-being or life.  I am trained to always look for ways to make money.  If I love writing, make a career of it.  If I love singing, become a professional singer.  And even more often, unfortunately, those messages don’t come with one’s interests in mind; instead of “make money doing what you love,” the message is “make money however you can, no matter how unethical it may be.  It is a dog-eat-dog world, and you have to look out for #1.”  I do not subscribe to that belief.  I believe that I can do something I love for a living.  But even more, I think that I can have a happy life and that work is only a part of it.

I’ve had a couple ideas recently.  One is to record on GarageBand my own a capella version of The Fray’s song, Never Say Never. Another is to write what I call a “fragmented memoir.”  This would be a memoir with different sections giving a different perspective on my life.  One would be my life as a tragedy.  Another would be my life as a comedy… and so on.

What is the significance of these ideas?  Maybe nothing.  Will they lead me to a way to make a living?  Maybe, maybe not.  Or a life?  Maybe, maybe not.  I can only hope that following my heart’s desires, however strange or disconnected from the rest of my life they may seem, will lead me in a positive direction.  In the very least, I think that it will make me more in tune with myself and my own intuition.  And that alone is very valuable.

Maybe Massachusetts

The other day, Susan said, “What about Massachusetts?” Massachusetts has legalized gay marriage, they have the closest thing to universal healthcare there is in the U.S. (from what we can tell so far), and we wouldn’t have to go through the trouble of becoming citizens of a whole different country.

A fellow writer suggested that instead of fleeing the country, we ought to stay and try to change things in the United States.

I don’t know if wanting to move someplace – whether it’s across the country or out of the country – is like chasing a rainbow.  Maybe I’ll never be able to capture what I’m after outside of myself; maybe I can only find true peace and happiness within, and moving around (or even dreaming of it) is a convenient distraction from that.

Then again, what if moving someplace in particular would somehow facilitate the process of discovering my own inner peace?

Sometimes I wonder how to tell the difference between true desire (which leads you on your true life path) and obsession, between resistance brought on by fear and resistance brought on by honest disinterest, between what is really good for me and what isn’t.

So, for the sake of trying to look at this practically, here are some pros and cons to moving to Massachusetts…  Susan and I have been looking particularly at Northampton, MA.

Pros:

• Gay marriage and adoption are legal.
• Massachusetts has a public option for healthcare.
• Seasons (sometimes cold ones, but the change can be nice…).
• Northampton has great schools – elementary through college – which means the potential for great jobs (as Susan and I both work in the education field) and a good education for kids down the road…
• Northampton has been called the “top town for a simple life,” the “#1 small arts town in the U.S.,” and (and I quote) “Lesbianville, USA.”  Three things that are especially appealing to Susan and me: simplicity, the arts, and an acceptance of our relationship.
• Cost of living in Northampton is definitely lower than Hawai’i.  We could even buy a house at some point!
• Bike trails and parks where we can walk our dog Jake.
• More social and political activism (to get us working on making positive change within the U.S. instead of fleeing).
• Friends and family on the East Coast.
• The ability to see my sister more often, as she often goes to New York on business.

Cons:

• Well, it ain’t Hawai’i – by which I mostly mean, it gets cold! Hawai’i's also got a laidback atmosphere we enjoy.  And beautiful beaches!
• We’d miss our friends Jill & Evelyn.

I’m sure I’ll think of more pros and cons as we do more research.  Right now, however, I’m thinking that Massachusetts may be a decent compromise to getting more of what we want without having to leave the country altogether…

Can I Be Happy Now?

Often people fall into the trap of thinking, “Once I have _______, then I’ll be happy.”  The problem with that is that whenever they get _______, that thing or person or whatever it is… is then often replaced by something else… and happiness is something that lives eternally in the future.  This is one of the dangers of goal-setting.  Sometimes you can become so focused on your goals that you forget to live today.

I don’t want to do that.  I want to be smarter than that.

So now I’m asking myself a question:  What do I want from all of the things I want?  For example, I want to take a year off of work.  I want to marry Susan.  I want to join an a capella group.  I want to go to Italy.  But what is it that I think all of these things will give me?  What is the desire that underlies them all?

I guess it’s what most of us want:  We want to be happy.  To be at peace with ourselves and the world.

So, the question then that follows is:  Do I need to do all, or any, of those things in order to be happy or at peace?  Hmmm…  That’s what I tell myself sometimes, yes.  But is it really true?  Can I be happy now? Can I be happy without those things?  Or before I have those things? In fact, maybe being happy now would help to create those things…  Would it?

I have no great answers.  Just these contemplations right now.  Truth is that I am quite happy with my life as it is.  There’s just this gnawing feeling that it could be so much more.

Can I enjoy the journey of life and not always have my eye on the destination?  How do I set goals, dream, and strive for great things, and at the same time, be present and happy right now?

My heart tells me that stopping the activity of my mind is one way.  It is when my mind is caught up in the to-do’s of work and my emotions are on overdrive to accomplish a million different things… that I feel detached from my own soul.  So, for now, I will just stop.