Maybe Massachusetts

The other day, Susan said, “What about Massachusetts?” Massachusetts has legalized gay marriage, they have the closest thing to universal healthcare there is in the U.S. (from what we can tell so far), and we wouldn’t have to go through the trouble of becoming citizens of a whole different country.

A fellow writer suggested that instead of fleeing the country, we ought to stay and try to change things in the United States.

I don’t know if wanting to move someplace – whether it’s across the country or out of the country – is like chasing a rainbow.  Maybe I’ll never be able to capture what I’m after outside of myself; maybe I can only find true peace and happiness within, and moving around (or even dreaming of it) is a convenient distraction from that.

Then again, what if moving someplace in particular would somehow facilitate the process of discovering my own inner peace?

Sometimes I wonder how to tell the difference between true desire (which leads you on your true life path) and obsession, between resistance brought on by fear and resistance brought on by honest disinterest, between what is really good for me and what isn’t.

So, for the sake of trying to look at this practically, here are some pros and cons to moving to Massachusetts…  Susan and I have been looking particularly at Northampton, MA.

Pros:

• Gay marriage and adoption are legal.
• Massachusetts has a public option for healthcare.
• Seasons (sometimes cold ones, but the change can be nice…).
• Northampton has great schools – elementary through college – which means the potential for great jobs (as Susan and I both work in the education field) and a good education for kids down the road…
• Northampton has been called the “top town for a simple life,” the “#1 small arts town in the U.S.,” and (and I quote) “Lesbianville, USA.”  Three things that are especially appealing to Susan and me: simplicity, the arts, and an acceptance of our relationship.
• Cost of living in Northampton is definitely lower than Hawai’i.  We could even buy a house at some point!
• Bike trails and parks where we can walk our dog Jake.
• More social and political activism (to get us working on making positive change within the U.S. instead of fleeing).
• Friends and family on the East Coast.
• The ability to see my sister more often, as she often goes to New York on business.

Cons:

• Well, it ain’t Hawai’i – by which I mostly mean, it gets cold! Hawai’i's also got a laidback atmosphere we enjoy.  And beautiful beaches!
• We’d miss our friends Jill & Evelyn.

I’m sure I’ll think of more pros and cons as we do more research.  Right now, however, I’m thinking that Massachusetts may be a decent compromise to getting more of what we want without having to leave the country altogether…

Dreams Change

One thing I keep learning over and over again is that dreams change. When I began this blog, I set out with this dream of making $100,000/year to do what I absolutely love.  And that dream still remains, but a greater, more immediate dream has since stepped in:  To learn, grow with, and marry Susan (my awesome girlfriend of over 5 years). Yes, I began this journey mostly dreaming about my own personal career goals.  But since Susan’s herniated disc started to take over both our lives, we’ve had plenty of time to sit and talk.  And as we’ve talked, we’ve begun to dream together.

Susan and me on top of the "pillboxes" in Lanikai.

One big dream Susan and I have is one we each came up with on our own and then to our surprise, we discovered we had the same dream!  That dream is to take a full year off of work – to practice following our intuitions, gut instincts, passions, and insights.  To take time to truly discover who we really are at our cores and what we really want out of life (as opposed to being constantly caught by the need to merely make a living, please others, and “be productive”). We don’t know yet how we’ll pull this off, but we’re determined to find a way.  We’re saving our money and looking into caretaking as a way to live rent-free…

Another dream we have is to get married. This is probably a stronger dream for me than it is for Susan, since a former marriage left a bad taste in her mouth… but for the first time, she has said that she wants to marry me, too.  Of course, there’s somewhat of a challenge to this one:  the fact that in most places on Earth, gay marriage is not legal.  It isn’t legal in Hawai’i, where we live now.  So, to marry AND enjoy all the rights and benefits that come with marriage, we will have to fight for the laws to change here and/or move.  Once again, we don’t know how we’ll do it exactly, but we’re determined to make it happen.

So, there you have it.  My career dream is now on the back burner, and my love dream is taking center stage. I imagine our year off as the perfect time to build the foundation for a happy career anyway.  (Susan and I have talked, too, about starting our own non-profit organization, so maybe that is in the cards…)  So, until then (or until my dreams change again…), my energy is going into making our year off and our wedding realities.  Here’s an idea:  We get married, and then call our year off our “year-long honeymoon”!

Here’s to you and me and our dreaming, growing, learning, loving, and living together, Susan…

A Dream Detour

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind.  I have not gone to MuseDaze on Tuesdays.  I have not met up with the a capella group again.  I have not pursued the dreams that I’ve outlined here in this blog.  Not because I didn’t want to, but something else took precedence.

This is Susan and me at Lanikai Beach a couple of years ago.

Her name is Susan.  She’s been my girlfriend for over 5 years now.  We live together in Honolulu with our dog, Jake.  And in the last few weeks, she has developed progressively worse pain in her upper back and down her right arm.  A week ago Sunday, we ended up in the ER at 3AM, because the pain was so incredibly excruciating.  Every painkiller the doctors gave her didn’t work.  They kept trying more powerful ones.  They didn’t work.

At 7AM that morning, Susan was taken in for an MRI.  At 9AM, we got the results:  she has a herniated disc in her neck.  Their suggestion:  surgery.

After several trips to several doctors to get several opinions, Susan decided to go through with the surgery.  It is scheduled for this Thursday.

And that is why my dream has taken a detour.  At first, when all of this started happening, I thought it was an interruption to my big dream, because I haven’t had the time or energy to pursue it.  But as I’ve watched Susan suffer in pain, I’ve felt my heart grow.  Beneath all of the sleep deprivation and emotional exhaustion, there is deep gratitude, because all of this has shown me that one of my biggest dreams has already come true: I have someone incredible to share my life with.  Tragedies and heartache are never fun in and of themselves, but they carry with them great treasures.  You just have to open your eyes to see them.  This has made me see what is truly important in life: people.  Susan.  Love.

This has not interrupted my dream; it has brought it into focus.